NB I have never been to Zambia – I’ve changed the name of the country to protect the innocent.

I was in my late 20s in Zambia on an English teaching contract. One of my classes was 100% female (except for me, obviously). Some of those ladies were very attractive. I’d been dateless for months, though, so they may have seemed a lot prettier than they really were. I mean, we all know how deprivation works. Regardless, just know that I spent a lot more time than usual on my hair and clothes before teaching that particular class.

One day I decided to go the extra mile for the ladies by tucking my shirt into my underpants. The goal was to look very manly by accentuating my chest, or something. And maybe I achieved this. But unfortunately I also succeeded in causing my (bright red) underpants to ride up at the back. It looked like I was wearing the majority of my undies outside my trousers. I had no idea about this, though, until one of the students eventually told me. “Teacher, you need to… up… your pants,” she said, pointing around behind me. I had to go to the bathroom and check out my arse in the mirror before I understood what she was referring to.

It was difficult to face those ladies again after the break. And you can bet it was the last time I tucked my shirt into my underpants.

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